April 4/1 Sunday Sidewalk Cafe NYC
There were lots of people out tonight, at first. I think that they were all tourists because they were fat, dressed funny and took lots of pictures. Art school kids take pictures and I could tell that these were not art school kids. We made about a hundred bucks in tips. No body bought anything. I took twenty for my cab ride. People were being loud during Brook's set. He told them to shut the fuck up. These people were my friends. My friends are always loud. I don't mind it though. Actually, I prefer it. It's better than having a bunch of dead bodies in the room.

4/4 Wednesday Chapel Hill, The Cave and Open Eye Cafe
We almost ran out of gas today. We were drivin' on the fumes. First we played at the Open Eye Cafe. It was the usual coffee house shit. No body cared. It almost felt like we were bothering everybody. We made twenty two dollars in tips(begging). Not too bad for a coffee shop. Chris Wimberly played with us. He wrote a rad song about sound checking. I was on Chris's radio show the other night. It is WCOM in Carboro NC--The nightsound show. Later we played at the Cave with Branden's band. Twilighter is the name. Even though they were experimenting with new band members and instrumentation they were still pretty good. I liked the percussionist. There was a lazy hippie girl dancing during their set. Is there a rivalry between Chapel Hill and Carrboro? Apparently all of the hippies are in Carrboro. Someone told me that. A girl bought me a shot and bought a guitar bomb disc. We made about 40 bucks in tips at the Cave. Most people left before I played. Dan and Brook said that Johnny Cash taught Billy Joel how to play guitar. I'm so lucky to have such smart honest fellows traveling with me. Brook also told me that the Beatles were actually one guy and that this guy invented the compact disc. Whoa, who knew?

4/5 Thursday Blairesville Meeks Park
We get to the park and our buddy Dakota welcomes us as usual. It was too cold to be playing outside at a park. There were about 35-40 kids there, but none of them gave a shit. I sold a disc. We made 20 dollars in tips. Dakota spent 10 dollars. That was nice. We met another guy that played there. His name is John Crocker. He used to skateboard. He was the second person in the world to grind underneath the trucks. John can also easily do 50 pushups. I did 16. Dan did 15. Brook did 1. Dan said hello to Dakota's brother. Dakota's brother said, "Yup". Dakota has 3 dogs. one is named Stupid, the other is Fatso, and the third is Pumpkin. Brook bought some boiled peanuts at the gas station. We had never had them before and ate them with the shells on at first. They are much better out of the shells. I love boiled peanuts. I also love Superfamicom's version of Last Caress by the Misfits. I heard it in the car today.

4/6 Friday Florence South Carolina House Party
This was a great, small show. There were only about 20 people there but everybody got really drunk and had a good time. We made about 70 in tips. Sweet! Tony and Carmen played at the end. They call themselves the Mountain Yellers. Carmen is a great singer. Tony played the Uke. Carmen had to stop, though, because she had asthma. We met two girls named Hillary. The second one was named Hilary with 1 "L". She told Brook and I about her mental health issues. I forget which Hillary/Hilary is which, though. The next day we went to an enormous flea market. I almost bought miniature turtles for Vicki, but I figured that they would die in the van. Instead I bought more boiled peanuts. Tony's girlfriend Kelly kept eating them. I didn't care though because she was nice to us. She gave us 2 jars of pepper jelly that her grandfather made. It was tasty. Dan bought a balloon toy that flew across the parking lot and scared the shit out of an old black man.

4/7 Saturday Savanna The Pink Palace
The Pink Palace is a large pink southern house. There were about 25 art school kids at the show. They all seemed to enjoy the music, but nobody bought anything. We made 42 in tips. There was a and called Dirty Birds. They did a folk version of a 50 cent song. I think that all of the kids looked so hip because they all went to art school Everybody was into 80's pop culture. It was kind of silly that they all looked and dressed the same. One girl, though, had enormous glasses and mini horns coming out of her nose. She was fun to talk to. She said that she would make us bacon, eggs and grits in the morning. She lied. She was drunk. Migs was the "Landlord". Her mother owned the house. There seemed to be a lot of gay people there, but Migs was not gay. I bet everybody there reads Vice Magazine and shops at Urban Outfitters.

4/8 Sunday Jacksonville Inertia Records
The show was cancelled at Inertia Records because the owner was in a car wreck. I hope that he is OK. We snuck into a zoo via the gift shop. It was a fairly lame zoo. The animals seemed depressed. We saw monkeys that had big swollen asses. They looked like they had a bad case of 'roids. "Apes are my friends, apes are some nasty bastards."--Wesley Willis. Brook and dan fed the birds in a giant cage area. An aardvark shot semen on the window right in front of me. Then we drove to Chris's(Captain Chaos) house in Gainesville and made grilled cheese sandwiches. Brook Pridemore said today that the largest hog farm is in North Carolina. He says that when people in airplanes fly over it they get sick. He also told me that his love affair with The White Stripes is over. Whatever.

4/9 Monday Gainesville Plan-It-X Headquarters
We played a show in a school bus at the new plan-it-x headquarters. There were about 30-35 people crammed into the bus. Most people seemed to like the music, but I could tell that some didn't by the looks on their faces. A girl named Lilly(Inertia) played as well. We had met her about a year ago in Orlando....Oh I forgot, before the show we went to a wildlife preserve and saw hundreds of alligators. They were all just taking a nap on the side or the river. There maybe a thousand of them for about two miles. I wrestled on of them and won.

4/10 St Petersburg FL
We got lost about 17 times today. Fuck map quest it lies. Stick Martin lives at a new house. He had a couched sized bean bag, which I would later pass out on. The show was the usual thing. It was a late crowd. People seemed to be into my fast songs and then they left for the slow ones. All of the girls in Florida seem drunk and slutty. Maybe they are only this way at The Stick Martin Show.

4/11 Greenville SC
We played at a bike shop today. A guy named Ken set it up-Emerald City Shows. He is friends with Chris from Gainesville. Ken is a real punk. He told us about hopping freight trains. He toured with Chris a few times. I like Ken. He runs the bike shop and said that he is going to inherit it one day. We played with a local act that kind of sucked. They were too loud. Then we played with a band from Richmond VA called The Riot Before. They had a lot of stops and tons of energy in their songs. They whooped a Lama's ass with a belt. The fat guitar player danced like a maniac. There were about 30 kids at the show. They all stuck around and seemed to enjoy. We made 12 dollars :(. Ken had a big scar on his neck. I asked him if someone had tried to kill him. He said that it was from a staph infection from a bug bite. Vickie called me from home and said that Mohammed got really badly beaten up at the store on the corner down the street from my house. He's getting reconstructive surgery on his face. I hate my neighborhood.

4/12 First Unitarian Church of Knoxville
We couldn't drink at the Church so had to play sober which was a bummer. There were about 20 kids there. They all seemed to be into the music. Jake was the guy who set the show up. He said that there were more plants in eastern Tennessee than all of Europe. I don't think so. I feel like I have allergies in the south. There were workers for the church hanging out at the show keeping an eye on things. A guy followed me into the bathroom while I shit. I think that he thought I was up to no good. Then we stayed at Cheyenne's and Jake's house. Side note--earlier we met a girl named Shilo. I know a guy named Shilo in Oklahoma City. He weighs about 350 pounds. At the house we drank beer and played wheel of fortune the board game. We met Anna and Ken at the house. They wee cool. Anna was really funny. She farted and drank lots of beer. She sang funny little songs on the uke. I tried to sleep on a bean bag chair in the living room but their grey asshole cat kept scratching my face while I slept. I stuck his head under the faucet in the bathroom then locked him in, but he kept crying so I slept in the van. Buttons has met his match.

4/13 Murphy's Memphis TN
On the way to Memphis we tried to go to the strong car hall of fame. It was 5 dollars to get in and the lady was a bitch so we said c u next tuesday. Then I ate dumpstered bread that Anna and ken found for us last night. Murphy's was a nut house. We played with a band called The Clap. Their drummer is named Mike and he's in another band called Antique Curtains. They are playing at the Cake Shop in NYC on 7/7. At the end of their set the guitar player tried to piss into his own mouth, but it ended up on the stage. I forget what the second band was called. They wore pantyhose and womens' underwear on their heads. The guitar player was chubby and naked. He had bigger beer tits than mine. There were about 50 people at the show. I also met Quinn from the Guacos and Joshua from Starr and micey. We stayed at Ryan from the Clap's house. He said that we could sleep in his bed as long as no one tugged one out.. I didn't even want to brush my teeth in their bathroom. Dan top shelved the Buccaneer earlier that day. We went to Beale street earlier that day. It was kind of gay and rainy. I bought souvenirs for people. Oh yeah, and I met a guy that's going to put a guitar bomb song in his skate video. Skate or Die dude! I'm thinking of changing my name to Guitar Boob.

4/14 The Farm House Cleveland MS
"Mississippi, It's like coming home". This is the state's slogan. We played at the Farmhouse tonight. It was killer. Lexi from One Reason was the host. We also met Mike who lived at the house. He was a nice dude. The party had prom night theme. There were about 50-60 people there and everybody was having a blast. A band named Jacuzzi Suicide played as well. They reminded me of The Don't Stop. They were from Asheville. I talked to the drummer Logan a lot. People posed for prom pictures and popped balloons while i played. We made a bon fire outside later out of random scraps of wood. We had to drive about 2 miles down the dirt road to get to the farm house. There is nothing around it. Dan fell in a sink hole outside. Mud went up to his knee. Sucker.

4/15 Circle Bar New Orleans
"Yer in the bottom of the boot"--quote of the day. We pulled in early and walked around the French Quarter. The New orleans music Festival was going on. It was crowded, touristy and gay. There were lots of women with fake tits and douchy boyfriends. We went into a bar but it was too crowded and stupid. There were only about 10 people at the show. A crazy, older, fashionable, drunken, British woman loved my music and bought a cd. She talked too much and too loud, though. She said that her father is Michael Starr the fashion designer. Dan wanted me to ask if we could all stay at her house that night, but I didn't want to because I thought she was crazy. We made 20 in tips. The bar tender gave us 20 also. we did not have a place to sleep that night. Dan and Brook's 'friends' did not come through for us. A drunken bum beat me in cards and made me play another song. I played Beat on the Brat by the Ramones. "That ain't no kind of blues that i ever heard," he said. We drove about 100 miles that night then slept in the van at the side of the road. A fat kid gave dan a hard time about being a vegetarian at the gas station.

4/16 Jack Rabbit Lounge Shreveport
We arrived in Shreveport early after sleeping in the van. Me and Dan hung out in the park. I walked around alone for awhile. It was nice out. I stuck my head in a fountain. Then me Brook and Dan sneaked into the movies. We saw Disturbia and Grindhouse. That was about 6 hours of free movies. A maniac killed 32 people at Virginia Tech this morning. We met Megan the bartender at the venue. She is a sweetheart. She gave us free food and beer all night. Other than that the show kind of sucked. There were about 10 people there. We made 23 dollars off of the bar. Dan sold a couple of t-shirts. We slept at Megan's house. It was comfortable except that she didn't have hot water and we couldn't shower. She cooked breakfast in the morning for us. Yum. Eggs, facon, fruit, grits! She had a dog named Oliver. Shreveport is kind of boring.

4/17 Patsy's Ice House San Antonio
We met up with Ray at the venue. He didn't have his mohawk up again. He says that it takes too long to put it up. First we played with Last Stage of Decay, then it was No Time For the Ol' In Out. They both sounded better than the last time i saw them. Then The Usual Suspects played. They were really tight. People loved Brook. He played a killer set. Not a whole lot of people stuck around to listen to me. After the show we drove to Lou's house in Austin. Oh I forgot, at the show there was a punk girl with bright red hair and a pet rat that was albino with red eyes. It sat on her shoulder all night long.

4/18 Chamber of Chill Austin
We played at Lou's house. It was pretty stupid useless fun. Nobody gave a shit that we played, but everybody got shit faced and had a good time. Lou cooked us Frito Pie. It was delicious. We drank Milwaukee beer all night. People were skateboarding and doing tricks in the house. Lou was breaking glass in his bedroom. We saw Ben Snakepit, I wonder if we made it into his comic that day. He probably said that he went to a lame party with stupid acoustic acts. Lou blew up some pretty cool fireworks. He thinks that he broke his ankle running away from the explosions.

4/19 Roxie's Roost Tahlequah OK
Roxie's Roost is on the outskirts of Tahlequah which is in the middle of nowhere. It is supposedly a college town, but I didn't see any sight of a school. There were horses grazing across from the bar. There were goats in the back yard. I met a guy that had a pet wolf. It was enormous and bright white. He was 4 years old, but had cancer in his leg. The man told me that his wolf was going to die soon. I felt bad for him. We also met Barron the bartender/owner. He looked just like my friend Ben Barba. A closet gay dude gave us 20 dollars for a t-shirt. Later we met Chris and Tom from the Skillbillies. We stayed at Chris's house. His room mate Bubba collected indian arrow heads. He also hunted and ate anything that he killed. I ate some left over deer meat mixed with mac and cheese. We couldn't drink the tap water because it was from a well and tasted like sulpher. Chris told us to never come to Tahlequah again because our music was too smart and that people wouldn't like it there. They only like Kerri Underwood in Oklahoma. He also tried to explain to us the difference between hillbillies and rednecks.. Apparently hillbillies are more like mountain people.

4/20 Kirby's Beer Store Wichita KS
This show turned out to be a little bit better than expected. There were 12 or so old drunk guys that hung out al night. It was a total loser sausage party. They didn't care about the music but they didn't hate it. We made 12 dollars in tips. Dan sold about 35 pins. Brook and Dan speculated that Kirby's is a gay bar. "A place where old queens go to die," as Brook put it. There were one or two younger guys that seemed potentially gay. Maybe they go there to try and take advantage of drunk "straight" or "adventurous" older dudes. Maybe. However, we did meet a guy named Bob. He used to be in a band called The Roach Egg Invasion with his wife back in the early 80's. He claimed to have opened for Black Flag. We stayed at his house and he showed us a bunch of really old and cool punk flyers from the shows. His house was so far out in the sticks that his street did not have a name. I thought that he might kill us, but he didn't. Bob is a good fella.

4/21 The Chatter Box Lincoln NE
The Chatter Box is a cool venue. We played with 2 other bands, Ric Rythmn and the Revengers and The Shanks. The Shanks were sloppy attitude punk. Ric Rythym was pretty rad. They were a garage band with a dancer. There were about 40 people there. Nobody really cared for us. The girl that "looked cool"-hair tattoos, etc was a snotty cunt. We went to a party at Liz and Brooks's house. It was wild. Too wild. Too loud to sleep. Liz and Brooks started beating eachother up. We left and slept on the side of the highway. Ben and Kevin from Kearney came out to the show too. They stayed at the party that we left. They said another big fight happened. A couple of people beat some Mexican dudes. I'm glad we left early.

4/23 Anarcho Book Store Salt Lake City
We played at a neo-hippie anarcho book store today. The punks in SLC seem like hobos and gypsies. They make me realize that I'm nothing like a punk at all. I'm just a guy that likes to write songs and play guitar all over the country. I prefer to use clean water in my bathroom. I prefer to eat food that is not stale and from a dumpster. I don't have the time or energy for putting my hair up in a mohawk and I don't really give a shit about leather(whether you wear it or not), nor do I want to hear another shitty acoustic punk asshole yell at me for eating a hamburger. I am a square that enjoys hot showers, hangovers, hamburgers and if I had a choice I would rather not spend a night in jail. I am pure evil. That said......We played with a band called Bombs and Bleeding Hearts. They seem to have their shit together and are fun. Well, I don't know if THEY are fun, but the crowd seemed to have fun when they weren't fist fighting with each other. About 30 people watched me play. I wasn't so in the mood for making love to the crowd tonight. Fuck U tah.

4/24 Monstros Pizza Chico
I was not well today. I think that the dumpstered bread in SLC made me sick. We hopped on a bill with 4 other bands. Too many bands. We played for a handful of people(15-20 total). The free pizza and 75cent PBR was a score, however. There were 50 or 60 people there later on. Brook played an awesome ninja set at the end and sold a few discs that way. I puked in the bathroom. Later I went to bed early Brent-he set up the show-took me to his house to sleep.

4/25 DAY OFF
We stayed at Brent and Rachel's house. Rachel is in a band called GRUK. They are hard. Brent doesn't play anything but he is very involved in the scene. We did some hiking in the foothills. We climbed a mountain. People told us that it was only a butte. Supposedly butte's have mud on top. The thing that we climbed had enormous boulders, therefore we climbed a mountain. We also walked along Butte Creek.....huh huhhuh huh. Later we ate some cookies that made us feel kind of funny, if you know what I mean. I drank a 40 of OLD E. Woh?!#@

4/26 The Distillary Sacramento
Now this was some bullshit if I've ever seen it. There was NO ONE there. This show was another fucking waste of my time. Kevin from Dirty Sister is a useless retard. I don't mind burning that bridge. His band didn't even play the show. his ex-wife/bass player was probably annoyed for having to play the show because it was her birthday. They decided that we should play on the street. They had self powered amps and a PA. Hot chicks can get away with this sort of behavior, but not me. Fuck that band. My uncle showed up to the show. I was embarrassed because there was no one but him there.

4/27 Coffee to the People San Francisco.
This was another winner. Quote of the day..."If it ain't bad, it ain't punk." All that I'm going to say is that I'm better than this. The only good thing about the show was Dave Dean's Musical Forklift. Awesome, funny weirdness. He played bass solo songs with quirky lyrics. In between songs was a sort of comedy routine involving his stories and illustrations that he made for the show. Later we all went out to eat falafals(spelling?) It was the size of my arm. I couldn't finish it. earlier I bought a used Numbers record for Vicki from Ameoba Records. We stayed with some gays that Dan knew. Tom and Mike are really cool nice guys. I wish everybody was that cool. I'm not just saying that to sound politically correct. Tom bought us lunch. I had a cuban catfish sandwich.

4/28 Kama Coffee House LA
Vicki and Lauren met us in LA today. It was good to see Vicki. I was getting tired of all of the horse shit shows on the west coast. I was in a much better mood. We weren't supposed to play at the coffee house because of some 'unspecified' booking confusion, but Dan Treibbered the situation. We played before the real show which was being filmed for a live web cast called Don't Call Me Tori. That show was a bunch of LA female singer songwriters. I put on a wig and some lipstick. It all seemed to work out fine. Nobody could tell the difference. Later we went to Reinah's mom's house. Reinah's mom's boyfriend is named Frank. He is Slovenian. He is fun and liked to drink. They took us out for Cali-style Pizza. Then we made a fire in the backyard.

4/29 Brill House LA
Before the show me, Vicki, Lauren and Brook went to the beach. Vicki got cooked in the sun. I didn't have my shorts on so my pants got all wet in the ocean. Black jeans, black t-shirt on the beach, what a New Yorker I must have looked like. The party was fun. There was good food and the beer was plentiful. I ate some tasty chili. I met Frank's son. He was slick, LA style. He looks famous, but i don't think that he is. We shared a "cigarette" out front with some of his friends. Later Frank made another fire while I played. I looked like Satan. There were about 30 people at the party. It was relaxed.

4/30 Last Exit Phoenix
We drove through the desert today to Phoenix. The venue was big and professional. We played with Taylor's band, Hack Bandit. Underwater Getdown played as well. They were tight, hip and New York sounding. They reminded me of Condo. We made a big wad of door money--over 100 bucks. No cd's sold though, fuck you people. We stayed at Allison Orphans house. The next day Brook took Lauren to the airport. Dan locked us out of Allison's house because he is an idiot. He had to climb through a tiny skinny window above her kitchen sink to get into the house. This was the second time he has done this since I've known him.

5/1 DAY OFF
We had no show today. We drove from Phoenix to Santa Fe. On the way we visited a meteor crater. It cost 15 dollars, but it was one of the coolest sights that I've ever seen. Dan bitched about having to pay for something, as usual.
<------------2 miles across---------------> 500ft deep
It rained like a mother fucker. We stayed with Dan's craft friend, Mell in Santa Fe. She was really chill. She's into couchsurfing.com She travels all of the time. Santa Fe and the rest of New Mexico is a desert in the mountains. There are many galleries in that town.

5/2 The Blue Dragon Albuquerque
From Santa Fe we drove to Albuquerque. We took a small road which went through Tiny Town and Madrid. A crazy artist woman created Tiny Town. It is basically a big junk/art heap. She built a miniature golf course and a bowling lane that had empty beer bottles for pins and a bunch of other junk art pieces. You wouldn't believe it unless you saw it. Then we stopped in Madrid. In Madrid there were mostly galleries and crafts and jewelry stores. For some reason there were lots of dogs walking around in the street. We played at the Blue Dragon that night. Our buddy Norm owns the venue. He is an excellent throat singer. For those of you that don't know what that is ask me in person and i will make a poor attempt to imitate the style. There were only about 15 people there. People liked it, though. I sold a couple of discs. We slept at the venue on futons! Norm told me that he wanted to record and album that has never been heard: The engineer has earplugs and the artist gets hypnotized and has that part of his memory erased. The cd will ten be packaged and sold for 1 million dollars because it is music that no one has ever heard before. I told Dan that he should release it on Crafty Records. It could be his big break. It might even make him more money than The Unlovables record.

5/3 The Pod Amarillo
We ditched The Pod because we could tell that it was going to be an absolute bust. Vicki saved the day and came up with the idea of trying to go downtown and picking up another gig. We showed up at a place called Burberry and made pretty good tips. There were only about 20 people there, but some people bought stuff and gave us money and drinks. The bartender sang a song. He had a good voice. Dan took credit for salvaging the night. We stayed at a motel that night. If you are in a band, never play at The Pod unless you are in a crust metal band or if you are a dickhead and I don't like you.

5/4 Riprocks Lubbock
We went to the Buddy Holly museum again. It was the same old shit, but there was nothing else to do. We found a gallery walk and managed to get free food and booze for two hours. Yeah! The gig we had paid a lot. No one bought discs though. No one cared. They were all drunk frat kids. There 50 people there. We met a guy named Brad. He beat me in a wrestling match later that night. We stayed at his house. There was hardly any furniture in it. I don't know.

5/5 White Rock Coffee
Never again with this place. Some jerk off that used to live in NYC opened the show for us. He kept asking us if we knew So an So or Such and Such. There was an old Dyke there that seemed to be intimate with her son. From the back he looked to be 20 but from the front he looked 40. Everybody seems weird in Dallas. I think that everyone is secretly Christian there. Quote of the day...."Just because I don't care, doesn't mean that I don't understand".

5/6 The Sound Pony Tulsa
Boy we sure lucked out today. First on the way to Tulsa we found a natural spring and a waterfall in Davis Oklahoma right off of I-35. It cost 10 dollars so we snuck in. We arrived at the venue early during the twister warnings. There was a private birthday party for a girl named Erica. Her friend Jillian organized the party and was welcoming to us. I got a beer coozi with a funny quote on it. Dan spoke to Erica and arranged that we play in the back during the white trash birthday party. Later we slept in Timmy's house. Timmy has tow pet ferrets. They like to shit and stink and fight in the corner of the room. There was a really loud thunderstorm that night. The lightning shook the house. I had a dream that I was a bull rider at a rodeo.

5/7 Black Bear Lair Louisville
We drove 10 hours today to play at an absolutely useless show at a house where nobody cared. There were 8 people at the show . The 8th one was sleeping. Everyone clapped after the songs, but would not look you in the eye for more than a split second. "Let's play at the park." Gee what fun. How about, "let's drink a beer." "No sorry, we're straight edge." What a fucking revolution going there. I think some of them may have been gay. OK that's fine. I can't imagine how nasty smelly gay punk gay sex must be. Me and Brook slept in the room where the show was. We watched Beavis and Butthead and drank spacebag despite the signs indicating that drinking was not allowed. We made 18 bucks for the 10 hour drive...fuck you I'm drinking. They had a bunch of zines there. One was about how it is better for the revolution if you band's message is not mass produced.. This, I think makes losers and shitty musicians feel better about themselves. The other zine was about a kid's journey after dropping out of school. He'll be homeless and free soon. Or maybe he will be in shackles pumping gas for the capitalist's war machine. Asshole. They had a grey water sink.

5/8 The Candy House Cincinnati
We hoped on this show at the very last minute. We met up with PJ(superfamicom) and Pat(Red Bear). First we rolled into town early. We stopped at the bible school so Brook could go take a shit. We tried to sneak into their cafeteria for some free food but they were not open. Then we drove into the hills outside of town looking for a nature preserve that did not exist. We ended up at a skate park in Delhi. Brook pretended to be David Dondero. The kids loved it. We arrived at the Candy House later. A preacher from the bible school owned the house and allowed there to be shows in the basement. The preacher had a fairly attractive girlfriend. Dan clarified that the preacher was not a preacher and was actually a youth leader and that is why he had an attractive girlfriend. Anyway, the show turned out to be better than expected. There were about 20 people there. I whooped a Lama's ass with a tire iron that night and sold a few discs.

5/9 Well Well Well House Bloomington
This was a pretty rad show. We rolled into town early and hung out with Hannah and Japanther(Ian and Matt). Japanther seemed kind of mopey, so we went to get some expensive hippie food. Expensive yet tasty. Chris backed into Dan's van, just to show him who the boss was. The show was a house party there were too many bands but still it was pretty awesome. There was a sign outside that read, "Big Titty Committee". First was Delay(inside) next was Eric Gadabout(outside), then dd/mm/yyyy(inside), then Matty Popchart(outside), Juicebox(inside), Brook(outside), then me and Japanther inside. Delay was really loud and energetic. Eric G had some pointed lyrics. DD/MM/YYYY is from Toronto. They are really dancy and noisy. They are on tour with Japanther and Juicebox. Juicebox is fun to watch but when all is said and done he is just another dorky white rapper like mc Chris. Brook was probably good, but I did not watch him. Matty is a dufus. Everyone loves him though. What do know about anything? Only about 15 people watched me. I was kind of disappointed about that. And of course everyone loves Japanther. All they have to do is show up and everyone goes wild. I think that they were fighting with each other before the set but it seemed that it was sorted out by the time they played. They put on a show and a half. I think that the floor almost caved in. We stayed at Bella's house with Chris and a tall dude from Knoxville that we had met a few weeks earlier on tour. Chris told us a story about Swedish dudes jerking off passed out people. Then we ate pizza with Delay before they drove home to Columbus.

5/10 Foster Home Western Springs
We played in the basement of a 17 year old kid. I am 27 years old. I felt like a clown at the birthday party. There were 8 kids there. I will never do another show like that again for the rest of my life. That is not a show. Toby Foster played pretty good for a kid. I later found out that I liked him better live than him on the cd that he gave me. They were nice and cooked us BBQ pizza, but never again will I do this sort of thing.

5/11 Harvey's on the Mall Kalamazoo
Finally a great show. First we went to Mike and Christie's house. They are Brook's friends from college. They have two great funny kids named Collin and Darby. Mike is an active member of the socialist party. Collin liked my Party Garage pin. He also thought that my Darryl Strawberry pin was a picture of my Dad. Both Brook and I played 2 sets a piece at the venue. The night started with about 30 people. By the end there were 60-65 people. We made 250 dollars. I met a new Guitar Bomb fan. He had heard of me and came out to the show. His name is Ken. Later we hung out at Mike and Christie's again with their friend Josh and his girlfriend. Josh REALLY likes gin. He drank some more when we woke up for breakfast.

5/12 House Show Rochester MI
We played a small house show. It was not bad. There were about 30 people there. Eric and Shannon hosted the party. Eric looked like Ian from Japanther. After my set Eric proposed to Shannon on the microphone. She said yes. I had gotten the romantic juices flowing that night. Before the show we went to Brook's Mom's house. She cooked us some pretty sweet tofu stir fry (Vindelay). She made me put on a blond wig and make funny poses.

5/13 DAY OFF
I woke up with an awful hangover. Matts Mom kicked me off the couch. I woke up in somebody's bed. Later me and Matt went for a drive to buy something. First we met his buddy Mike. Mike had just let his turtle free into a lake. We watched it swim away. We drove around a lake with mansions. Later we played frisbee golf. What a retarded game.

5/14 Screamer House Columbus
The show was all right. we didn't make shit for money but the 'crowd' seemed receptive. We played with a band from Spokane WA. I used to know a girl named Olympia that was from Spokane. Weird. The other band was called Yokohama Hooks. They were garagy,/punkish/hipster music. The dudes in the band thought that they were hot shit. The girl singer spent most of the time singing while laying down. They said that they new my old house mate, Zack from a band called the Girls. I told them that Zack still owed people money in New York. They also said that all the kids in Columbus were gay and that Columbus sucked. I don't think that they had any right to be talking any shit like that. Ryan and Austin from Delay set up the show. It was good to see them again.

5/15 House show Indiana PA
Good show. I'm tired. I'm done. Endless Mike-the band we played with-was great.

Last night we played a show at the Chatterbox in Lincoln, NE. A kid came up to me after my set and told me I sound a lot like Simon Joyner, which is funny, because I just got my first Simon Joyner album a few days ago. This comment got me onto The Mountain Goats, a subject I'm considerably more versed in. The kid told me that TMG had come to Omaha for a show once, and Mister Sunshine Superman himself, Donovan happened to be at the show. Donovan asked Darnielle if he could join him onstage for a song, and was denied.

I didn't think I could possibly love the Mountain Goats more.

When we left the show, we went to The Party. You know, the place where everybody else was going. Everything seemed cool. Dan was talking to the girl that owned the house about record labels, her husband was blasting garage rock 45's on the turntable. I was lying on the couch, trying to go to sleep, trying to finish my bottle of Wild Irish Rose before somebody took it. The girl, Liz, asked her husband, Brooks (weird, right?) to turn the music down. And this is where it gets kind of foggy for me. He started screaming at her, and they started having this blowout fight. Somewhere in there, Dan and Mikey left the house. Brooks told everybody to get the fuck out of his house. I stayed on the couch, trying to look invisible, or at least trying to look passed-out drunk. I think some punches were thrown, but I couldn't tell you who hit who. After a while, another guy came in and told me I had to leave. Dan and Mikey told me later that before I got to the car, somebody had gone tearing down the street in reverse, and nearly smacked into the van. We slept at a rest area.

Believe it or not, tour is going very well. I've been drinking a lot of bum wine. Dan won't shut up about what records he wants to put out next. Mikey refers to himself as "The Good-Looking One." But we seem to be getting along pretty well, and the shows have been consistently good. None of us has showered in several days. I feel alive. I'll see you soon.
Brook

I met these people in kearney nebraska, and their music was awesome!!!! I even bought a cd... I truly believe in their cause and I so appreciate their want to share great things with people! I hope you continue to fight the great fight and meet great people that believe in you, you deserve it. Keep itup and travel safely! You all will be in my thoughts.
sincerely, crystal kuzma

so Guitar Bomb and brooke totally rocked my ass off tonight. I cant really say what is going to happen with thier tour, but I must admit to my admiration for Dan, as he has found two very talented voices that are burning strong in  this seemingly cold cold world. I mean these two come at me like a recurrent dream.... not the bad kind though, the kind that you hope for whne you close your eys at night. something to help you make it to the morning hour. something with feeling. So many times I have people approach me while repping my Crafty wear and ask me what it is, and as I refer them to the sight, I wonder if they will be able to hear the music how I hear it. I feel blessed whenver the Crafty crew stops through this bum-fuck egypt middle of nowhere town, and it means more when they rmember me... as a fan. someone who hears and apprectiates the machine that is crafty records. They will never understand.....but I do. what a memorable night.
                                                                            -Kevin Whetstone, Kearney, NE

Dan the manager will bring the computer out at a party and ask you to do homework at the most inconvientent tyime when you are to drunk andlazy to care about spelling and punctuations.  Yeaj i spelled it wrong, iod dont want to type and dan is ruining my drunkto rite in the stoopid tour journal.  Yea now i look stoopis cause everything is spellude wrong .  I just want top look at ghirls and now i look like a compuetr dork.

Oh yes, I do remember last time, and now I will remember this time. A lot has change for the better, the music has definitely growned, and blossomed like a wonderful wildflower. The show was so wonderful!  Beefalo has come a long way from playing at the front of The Roman. They have lost and gained a few as well. Brook Pridemore was amazing, full of light, I don't think that I have heard an acoustic guitar rock that hard in a long time. Thank you Brook! Next was Guitar Bomb , yes last time it was the incredible Guitar Bob, this time it is Bomb! Guitar Bomb knows how to play the guitar, a nice orange guitar at that! Then it was the Butcher's Son great job Ben! Your artistic direction has matured and is a wonderful treat. I have to say once again, that this evening was great. Thank you so much to Brook and Guitar Bomb for returning to this land of fields again, it is always a treat to have some big city folks in this area!

If you had told me, in 1997, when I graduated high school, that I would be traveling and playing songs for people in places like, say, Kearney, NE, and people would dig those songs, and I would make a (moderate) living doing this stuff,  this stuff that I actually LOVE, I would have said Fuck You.

First of all, how am I gonna take a shower?

We're in Kearney right now.  Two years ago, our van blew up outside of this town.  Then we saw a guy in a Minor Threat T-shirt at Famous Fillmore's, and he gave us an awesome show.  Nobody thinks to play a town like Kearney, NE.  You go to Omaha.  Small towns are the real world.  This is the happiest I get.

As Written on the Back of a North Carolina Sanitation Truck:  A Flush is Better Than a Full House.

Brook

So yesterday in was like 85 degrees, right?  Yea.  Today it was, oh say, 40 degrees chillier?  Anyway, Brook and Mikey played in the freezing cold of Blairsville.  It was a good show with a few locals that weren't so great, but they drew out a fair number of people.  Jon Crocker and his beard showed up too.  It was swell.  And cold.  Yargh.  Some Inuits even showed up.  It was quite the adventure.

Brook needs to get Firefox.
Mikey needs to learn to not drop soda-caps underneath dusty wood stoves.

Ok, I'm at a lack of what to say.  I'm terrible at writing things on the interweb.

--Dakota

i mean, SERIOUSLY!
the show was pretty cool, though...there were a good number of kids, they were attentive, but there was a wind chill factor of about -5,000,000, which is roughly around absolute zero. it was so cold that a band of inuits walked right by the show and tried to sell us some seal blubber, but brook got all pissed and chased them off, shouting something about vegans or zombies or some shit. one of them ran off so quickly, he ran right out of his mukluks! s we collected them and will be making  stew out of them tomorrow night.
dakota is being a good host, as usual, and the woods are beautifully creepy tonight. tomorrow will see a mass migration to the carolinas following a universal prayer for the final and definite onset of spring.
-jon crocker

Its day 3rd day of shows for the On The Champagne Trail with Brook Pridemore and Guitarbomb. I spent the 3 days before tour mailing out  over 75 orders. We shipped out tons of Unlovables Records, Punk Rock battle Royals and Captain Chaos Box sets. Needless to say it was an insane task. I never thought i would look forward to tour as some time off.
We are in Blairseville Georgia. Our buddy Dakota sets up shows here. A bunch of young kids always come out to shows in the park. It was cold this time. Lots of kids but not much merch sales. It was fun though. Yesterday we drove from NYC to Chappell Hill. We almost ran out of gas, played the open eye cafe and the Cave. The cave is always fun but not that productive. I think thats it for now.

dAN